You have no idea
what it feels like
not to be afraid
It is time
to find out
Your mind has been full
of reasons
Reasons why you hurt
reasons why you fail
reasons why your world
is full of disappointments
and pain
You have named the dark shadows
the demons of your nights
you have watched the errors
the cruelties of others
you have felt the force of the bad dreams
dominate you
Some days you have run from them
other days you have fought them
other days you have lain down
like the dead
so heavy was your heart
with hopelessness
helplessness and grief
In your self-pity
you raged
look what has been done to me
look what I could have been
look what I could have lived
if only so much was not taken from me
and in all of this
your ignorance
was your pride
you did not want to know
any other way
your suffering
was the only joy
you had
In all of this
you were not ready to see
that you were not a wounded one
you were not incapable
you were not forbidden
or forgotten
or denied
your freedom was not taken from you
you were not
a lost or abandoned child
In all this
all this time
you were simply
afraid
You see
you have misunderstood
the nature of fear
you thought it was something
that kept you safe
out of harm’s way
You had your reasons
for your fear
you said
and so it wasn’t fear
it was common sense
rationality
the fear was the safety
said the words
in your head
When all along the truth was
fear was everything
you thought said no
Fear was the permission
you could not give
to yourself
And so every morning
you opened your eyes
and prepared to live another day
by turning to run
inside your own heart
from the very things you want so much
from the state of love
your god-self knows to be real
you run
filled with terror
that they might come true
that there is nothing stopping you
that it has all been a dream
that you are the one who decides
yes or no
that there is no one to blame
no one else in charge
no reason
why not you
It is your decision
your choice
your vision
your reality
It is up
to you.
Hear these words.
Now
do you begin
to see the fear?
Now do you feel it rise up
tsunami of doubt
denial and blame?
How dare you hand the key
of permission
to me
your voices say
How dare you show me
my own omniscience
How dare you confront me
with my own power of choice?
I demand to keep
the safety of my projections
my hope that I will be at least pitied
be loved for my sufferings
if I cannot
be loved whole
I will not give up
my beloved and comfortable misery
my claim to the righteous accusation
of what lives outside of me
I do not want to know
I do not want to see
that all fear
is the fear of my own perfection
my own profoundly infinite nature
my own inescapable divinity
I am so very afraid
to choose
my own dreamt reality
I am so steeped
in the blindness
of this fear
I have no idea
what it feels like
to not be afraid
I do not know myself
at all
Dear human child
of course you do not know
of course you are blind
of course you pretend and hide
this is why you were born to Earth
this is why
you are alive
It is time
for you to find out why
and here you will discover
the greatest surprise of all
that to turn on
your mortal light
is like throwing a switch
It is simple
it is graceful
it is the opposite
of the struggle you have chosen
for so long
It is pleasurable
it is powerful
and it cannot be undone
All that is asked
is that you must assassinate
your fear
of choosing your own world
you must be willing to let go
of any false safety
and tell yourself the truth
that you are absolutely
eternally
free in your soul
The stories you have told
of your suffering are done
they have fulfilled
their grave purpose
and are free to go
Permission for everything
is arriving
Grace
is coming home
And notice
there is no fight necessary
to claim this right
The gods laugh at the idea
that you should have to storm
the gates
of an absolutely unguarded treasure
The door has been open
all along
the lock unlatched
the candle lit
This moment is no accident
it has been waiting for you
for lifetimes
asking only the question
are you ready to see
there is no such thing as safety
only the reclamation
of your permission
to choose your state of being
and therefore choose
your whole world
Dear child
at first you thought you needed
a parent
so you could play the role
of being so small
Then you thought you would blame
your parent
fight them for your freedom
tell them everything
they have done wrong
And now you are ready
you are as ready as you choose
to see you are the maker
of your own conception
that as you dream
so shall you wake
and this is no theory
no abstract principle
this is as alive
as the next breath you take
The secret lies
in the elegant gap
between realities
for this is the home
of your permission to choose
The very day you dare
to take back
all the arrows of your judgements
and the crippling blows
of your need for others
to value your sorrows and pain
the day you witness
the lie of this false comfort
is the day
you throw open the door
to your own cage
the day you say
yes
I allow myself
to rise up in full flower
under the sun
huge
magnificent
uncompromised
radiant and rolling
with the waves of your
personal
visceral electrical charge
which add upon
always add upon
never detract
as you experience
depletion no more
for the expansion has arrived
and once set free
the wildness must explode
into constant creation
never again to be tamed
never again
to be confused
about what I fear
and what I desire
The world is now mine
because the only world which exists
is the one I invite
and from here
my freedom
touches your freedom
which explodes you in turn
which explodes the one next to you
until the truth
we have all sought so long
will be found
and the book will be written
wherein my devil will dance
with my angels
and their entwined beauty
will surpass
any of the human games
I used to play
my childhood done
for the day has come
to grow into the Godself
I have been
all along
I have feared only
my own beauty
both foolish and wise
I now turn around
easier than breathing
my permission
is found
© AdiKanda 2020
Thank you!