Tell me of not wanting to be here… 

It could be said
that all fear
is the fear of loss of love
in particular
separation from Divine love
the awareness that we are One
with our Creator
And yet this fear
wears many faces
though they speak the same language
achieve the same end
The same soul
may touch them all
as the pendulum swings

One day it may be
that we hold tight
with the death grip of desperation
convinced that if we let go
we will never survive
we will be lost to all joy and light
and our very sense of Self
will crumble to dust
The next day
we may run with all our might
wearing our armour
building our walls
promising the Self
that no one will ever get in
we are too strong
too capable
too busy and right
And of course the irony is
on the days when we cling
we push away the very thing we seek
we cut off the natural flow of trust
and delight
we become blind to the possibility
that as we offer an open hand
all answers may drop within
that love does not live in any one heart
but rather everywhere we turn
And on the days we flee
the delusion rides high
all our energy poured
into the facade
as again we create
the very thing we fear
alone in the tower
severed from connection
and the comfort of trust

This dance effectively stops us
from being still long enough
to actually be present in the truth
that middle ground
where we need not run
nor seek
nor hide
Where instead our own peace
attracts light without effort
and our willingness to witness love
fills us up with it
like a river
set free
into the desert of life

There is an answer
and as always
it asks us to enter
the very place
we have worked so hard to deny
so deep with challenge
and yet so simple to apply
On the days we are filled
with the impulse to run away
these are the very days
we are asked to stand and stay
On the days we are filled
with the compulsion to hold tight
these are the very days
we must surrender our grasp
and let the beloved
take flight
In every moment
to claim the courage to allow
all the heart has to say, to scream
To discern the difference
between protection and wisdom
To trust most deeply
what inspires the most fear

The greatest challenge
of this journey toward truth
is the humbling descent
into our own misconceptions
to witness how hard we have tried
to not feel what we feel
be done with the pain
be vulnerable no more
To tell ourselves with brutal honesty
that the aspects of self
we once held with pride
are the very tools
of our own demise

But yet
but yet
beautiful, beautiful soul that you are
the defence must match the power
which waits to be unleashed
and you who have now discovered
the walls of paper
the clouds of tissue
and the imminence of fire
You are the very one
who will soar in an explosion of colour
but this time true
this time effortless
when you step off the edge
and drop into the abyss
to find the very God and Goddess you seek
patiently waiting there

It is the walk of one
who has nothing to lose
and here lies your homelessness
here lies your discovery of Home
You have so long denied yourself
the simple pleasure of loving shelter
because you were so sure
it would be taken from you
you wanted to leave first
before anyone could lock you out
and all the while
the key is in your hand
the key is your heart
there is no mother
no man
who can abandon you now
all suffering is history
the nightmare is done dreaming
daylight is coming
on the other side
of fear

Again the recipe:
enter the very cave
wherein lives the bear
no other one will do
But take with you
all the love for which you long
as it surrounds in safety
holds you in the invisibility
of what you are soon ready
to see

When it seems you are afraid of containment
it is actually the emptiness you dread
and a new stillness will teach you this truth
Stay, most wise and courageous angel
stay in the place which has seemed so bereft
for here you will find
the very abundance you seek
When fuelled by fear
flight is no liberation
but rather becomes banishment
in the guise of freedom
When it seems the gods on high
hold your bliss
find them abiding
within your own heart
not from any other world
When it seems that to be plain
like the dove
is the death of the bird of paradise
know that here lies your peace
and no beauty greater
in the eyes of any man
When it seems that to give away the self
is to bring you closer to Spirit
know that first you must claim the Self
before you have anything to give

You are among the most pure
of all Creation’s births
but to know this
you must dare to gestate
in the womb of the Great Mother
until you know
that you will not be cast out
before your readiness
you will not be harmed
where in Trust you lie

Stay sweet Heart
Stay and let the truth love you
as you have always deserved
to be loved

AdiKanda – Aug/15