I was a man
of God
Please don’t assume
you know
what this meant to me
I don’t want any mistake
any more misunderstanding
than what already lives
in my name
I was
a man of God
in so many ways
and if you want to understand me
you have to begin here
you have to know me
through this way
of saying my name
To me
God wasn’t some faraway face
he was as real to me
as the brother living next door
in fact he was
the man next door
the ordinary man
just like me
And by ordinary
I don’t mean boring
I don’t mean plain
I mean a man who lived
who suffered
who knew the taste of pain
This was my God
It was why Christ
meant so much to me
because he was the Son
he was the one who lived it
and made it glorious
because there is no other way
no other way
to say His name
You see
I was an ordinary man
in all of the same ways
simple in my heart
maybe some extra moving parts
but ultimately
clear like the brown eyes
of a lost dog
knowing one thing
that something had to be done
that was not being done
so it sat in me
and I asked God about it
I prayed
and I prayed
Because there is
the kind of suffering
that is a part of
the legs of life
It’s just what life stands on
If you are born
you are gonna die
If you eat
you are gonna be hungry sometimes
If you are gonna fall in love
with a beautiful face
you had better be ready
to cry
But then there is the suffering
that happens when
it seems as if there isn’t a chance
to climb out of the dark
to build something
to make something bigger
than yourself
because every time you try
someone comes along
to knock down
what you just put up
over and over again
And it isn’t just you
it’s your mother
your brother
your kid
it’s the ordinary guy next door
until it seems
as if most folks you know
are more down than up
and when you look around
at how to help
you think
well the first thing I need to do
is stand up myself
get right up there to where
I’m tall again
but it isn’t easy man
it tears your thoughts apart sometimes
and those are the days
you just wish you had an answer
to a better way
Now I may have lived
a bit of crazy in my time
but there were a few things
I did know
I knew you start with God
because if you don’t have Him
you don’t have much
And then
you start with the kids
Every kid needs not just a mother
but a father
every kid
my kids too
need to know
that no matter what they have done
they are going to be loved
they are loved
and my God knows
I do
And if you have an eye on those kids
then you just don’t forget that
you say
here is the most perfect little baby
and I want a world
we all want a world
where that baby grows up
safe and loved
in the presence
of a higher power
No bullets
around that baby’s head
No hunger
in that baby’s belly
No words of hatred
not for any brother
because the baby is going to hear
those words
feel that hate
And no hands
raised in the air
no hands lifted up to strike
no hands lifted up
because the man in front of you
has a weapon
no hands using the power
that is in them
for anything other
than the good things in life
to lift that baby up
to reach for God
to ask Him to bless you
in prayer
Now the truth is
ordinary men
do foolish things
they forget
how to do the right thing
they lose themselves
they hurt people they love
but you see
this is why it takes an ordinary man
to show us how it’s done
a man who isn’t afraid to say
I am lost
where is love
where is my mother
why have you abandoned me Lord?
Because He could not have known
what it would feel like
to die in that way
He said he was ready
to do anything
whatever it takes
for the Kingdom of Heaven
but He could not have been ready
for what happened to Him
that day
You see
He might have been the Son of God
but He was an ordinary man
with the thieves on their crosses
just an ordinary man
in that way
So He knew what it was like
to be broken
He knew His own mistakes
He even knew they were more important
than it seemed
because a man who accepts
his own truth
even if he doesn’t dare to tell it
is that much more ready
to love his brother
in the middle of any kind of mess
You don’t get to Heaven
without first
giving Hell
a stop by
And I’m telling you this story
for a good reason
and that is
if it’s more important
to know Jesus
than to be a good Christian
then it’s more important to be real
with yourself
than to be a hero
Christ don’t want no heroes
he wanted us to forgive
all the ordinary men
I knew there would come a time
when I saw things differently
when I would look out my window
and the world would be changed
but now
from where I stand
on the legs of the life
I lived
what I see
looking at what began
the day I died
all this terrible mess
it looks so right
and so very wrong
It’s the night we knew would come
but where y’all going
you want to lift up
your lights
you can’t carry them low
you’ve got to elevate them
raise them up
be bigger
be taller
fill up that night
with your lights brothers
because I don’t want the weight
of a single broken soul on my back
not one death
not one tear
I don’t want them
to be mine
I’ve done enough
now the rest
is yours
We may say
In Jesus’s name
but not this one
Not in my name
and I am a much more ordinary man
than He
The suffering
is enough now
what we need
what I dream of
is understanding
the most simple things
If you pick up a weapon
you’re going to get hurt
If you hurt someone else
with your hands
with being a fool
you are going against
the God in you
and you’re the one
who’s going to get hurt
So the ones who lean
so heavily on me
the ones who made sure
I couldn’t get up
they are the ones
I died for
as much as anyone else
and my God may be the only one
who heard me
when I said
they know not
what they do
Don’t you see?
Don’t you see that it makes
so much more sense
to build something up
than to burn something down?
Don’t you see
the fire within you
is enough?
I never believed the words
of my oppressor
because they were his lies
and they can’t hold a candle
to my truth
So don’t you believe them either
you tell your own story
don’t give the Devil
that chance
Sometimes it isn’t the very moment
of a mess that makes us
or breaks us
it’s the day after
and the day after that
and I have my way home now
I see the purpose of my days
But I beg you
down on my knee
have reverence
reverence for all things
Don’t be pretending
that your anger
is all its gonna to take
to fix things
That’s the easy part
and anything worth doing
ain’t easy
that is the truth of my story
Fight
but fight with your wits
your heart
your smarts
Make it better for that baby
who just wants
to be lifted up
You know
that when you looked at me
at my helplessness
you saw yourself
laying there
You saw every cruel eye
that ever brought you to the ground
every thief
pinned too
and hung to die
And so most of you saw red
when you could have seen God
but it’s okay
I haven’t stopped growing
I’m taller now
than I ever was alive
and I’m waiting around
to see what you hear
when you really listen
Not just shout
but listen for awhile
You might even hear
my name
I always knew
a church was every place
you decide to pray
so I’m asking you now
build those kinds of churches
every day
The churches of your minds
your great big hearts
and when you walk
decide where you are going
because wherever you go
an ordinary man is going
to meet you there
And He’ll be saying
just kick off your shoes and kneel
not to end a life
not with any other reason
than to find your own answers
to the suffering
in your own soul
He was an ordinary man
they say
but just look at the life
his death began
I wouldn’t have it
any other way
© AdiKanda
Oh Adi, I’m crying… so beautiful, so hard, so compassionate, so true. Xxx
Dear Unjay.. It so touches me too…<3
exquisite….and clearly in another voice than yours
Oh the love and the pain thank you.
How sweet can a heart be even in deep pain and reeling from abuse to the degree your very life is taken. Thank you Adi thank-you George, thank-you Jesus and all those who try point the way.