Great teachers have told us that we are here to learn about the illusion of loss, to understand that duality is but an expression of our human fears. How can we avoid this teaching, when over the course of a lifetime, the mortality of our loved ones must take us to this place over and over again, as the experience of life force departing from physical form leaves us with a deep, ripe opportunity to know the eternity of the soul.

  

MY KNOWING PLACE  Oct 5 09

Oh I am happy

for this chance to speak with you

happy to be with you

in this way again

Can you feel my joy, girl

can you feel it

just the same

as every time

you came home

and I came home

to you?

The first thing

I want you to know

is that my leaving

was quick

and easy

Sometimes a dog

can get old and weak

stiff and sore

and I didn’t have to go through that

I was young

and happy

right up until the end

so I’m not complaining

about anything now

I miss you though

and I think of you

because I can feel you

reaching for me

wondering about me

being angry about me

and none of those things

are necessary

because I’m right here

and even though you can’t touch me

just now

I am with you

and I am fine

Dogs see things

so differently than people do

and we don’t dwell

we don’t get stuck places

so for me

it was all in a day

and I was done with the experience

nothing to worry about

nothing to carry with me

where I went

I’m still me

goofy and sweet

restless and patient

playful and sleepy

intent on adventure

and something to eat

I can understand

of course

I can feel

your broken heart

how you wished more than anything

you could reach out

and do something

to fix it

to bring me home

once more

And I can understand you

being angry

feeling that I didn’t get

looked after

the way you would have

if I had been with you

But truly

my girl

my friend

it wasn’t that she was a bad woman

she was just afraid

she didn’t know

not like you know things

and while it feels

as if it could all be different

we can’t think that way

because we have to trust

that we are all walking

where we are meant to be walking

all the time

Sometimes it’s a sidewalk

Sometimes it’s grass

but wherever we put our paws

is where they are meant to land

And when I look

into your heart

like I have done

so many times

what I see

isn’t just your sadness

that you wish you could have stopped

my death

but it’s a much bigger sadness

at the unfairness of so many things

at the very possibility

that love can go away

just like that

and leave darkness

where there was lots of light

just moments before

You see your own wisdom

your own love

You see your own knowing

that I wasn’t safe

(and that knowing was real)

so you want your love to be enough

to protect me

and everyone you love

from this kind of harm

And when you get angry

a part of you is angry at yourself

because you loved me

so very much

But my girl

my friend

you did nothing wrong

in fact

you did everything right

Can you see?

You listened to your heart

and you heard a truth

and even though you couldn’t stop

my path from unfolding

the way it did

you showed me over and over

how real

was your love

and I felt you

just like you felt me

so I wasn’t alone

I wasn’t alone when I crossed over

I was always

with you

You must have heard stories

about how dogs find their way home

< img border="0" height="320" src="https://worldwithoutfear.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/6dfbc-dscf0201.jpg?w=225" width="240" />from so far away

not because they have ever travelled

that road before

but because they just know

where home is

they just know

That is because dogs can feel love

through walls

through mountains

across miles

We can feel

what people are meant to feel

but only some do

like you

So we can feel our girls or boys

our people

even when you aren’t right there

at our side

and I felt you

I felt your love

and that was all

that was important

to me then

because I wasn’t meant to stay

I had a place to go

even though it made me

and you

very sad

I know my leaving

made you think about

all kinds of leaving

It made you remember

that you were safe and warm

with me

and so you wondered

how you would ever

feel safe and warm again

And it’s hard

it really is

but you are so brave

just like me

soft and brave

at the same time

and now all there is

is for you to learn how to come back

to joy

like me

be wagging in a moment

like me

because life is too short

to be moping around

for very long

It will help to understand

that when you feel angry

at everyone who didn’t listen to you

you need to bark

to make a noise

And when you’ve said your piece

then you’ll be ready to walk away

because there are more important things

to be done

You also have to promise me

that you won’t be afraid

next time you know something

the way you did

about me

Sometimes

people get scared about

that kind of knowing

but you musn’t

because it’s very real

it’s what I always did

and even though

not everyone listened to me

I never stopped trying

I never stopped knowing

because we can’t –

once we see something true

it never goes away

Once upon a time

I knew a little girl

and she was my girl

And then I watched her

growing up

bigger than I ever imagined

much bigger than me

And when it was time

for me to go

I watched her

from my knowing place

and I saw her grow

taller than anyone would have guessed

inside herself

because she had to

because she had to learn to feel

the safety of me

even when I wasn’t there

under her hand

That’s the thing about love

it never goes away

it just teaches us to look further

to reach deeper

the way dogs do

every day

It follows us

like a faithful friend

even when we are grumpy

even when we aren’t much fun

to be around

And my love

is following you

right now

past the worry

past the anger

past the feelings of guilt

and despair

Wasn’t I good at that?

Following you?

And why would that change

now?

I’m even faster now

much lighter on my feet

and I’m waiting

I’m wagging

I’m the knowing

in that puppy’s eyes

when you smile at one another

when it’s time

to come home

Joy is so easy for us

if only it could be for you!

But I am forever grateful for your love

and I’ve felt it in your tears

in your angry fists

in your questions in the night

And now

it’s time to be strong in a new way

clearer than ever before

knowing there is nothing to do

but bark

and run

and never stop listening

to a heart that tells the truth

the way yours

has learned to do

Promise?

And I promise

to always

be with you..

Cynthia Long / 09

photo by Cynthia Long